My Name Is Nobody

[El Vez]

Or at least I wish it were today. There's a coffee shop I like to go to sometimes and tonight all I wanted was to be alone with my notebook, cds, headphones, coffee and work on my comic strip while continuing to ignore the overwhelming sense that I have failed everyone who has ever loved me. Well, now I'm in the fucking library turning the annex into a court transcript of my bachelor life because some people are just that irritating.

A couple of weeks ago, I was getting a chai or something and the girl ringing me up goes "You remind me of Superman. You know why?" My short term recall isn't what it used to be but I seem to remember that my response was along the lines of "It's the glasses, right? I got them 'cause they look like the ones Elvis Costello wears." Then she replied very chirpily "No, it's because you're a super hero!"

"You're different, little girl" I thought to myself and then, displaying the same keen judgement that had me thinking as a freshman undergrad that a Take Back The Night rally was a great place to meet chicks, I let her in on a little trivia which is that my first name is "Christopher" and that my last name is in fact "Reeves." Now, I was about to follow that up with "Of course, you can always tell if someone's clever because they point out that Christopher Reeve didn't have the 's' on the end" when she started going "Oh my God! Oh my God!"

From that day forth, everytime I go in to get a coffee this woman goes "It's Superman!" and always addresses me as Superman and even points out to other customers in line that my name is Christopher Reeves. Having lived through nearly thirty years (Christ, I *am* nearing thirty....where's the tower and where's the gun?) of people thinking they are the first fucking carbon based biped to figure out the similarity between my name and a famous actor, I pretty much don't mind the jokes because they all get bored with it after a couple of minutes.

Well, this girl has pulled the "It's Superman!" bit at least an honest half-dozen times and I find myself in disbelief that she hasn't moved on by now. But tonight was so bad that I almost found myself being rude and I pride myself on being the most polite customer in the history of the world so that's pushing me pretty far. She immediately starts in with the usual bit and then asks if I'd had a hard day fighting crime. I half-ass play along just because I want my coffee and I don't want any spit in it but she just kept going with it. I sit down and try to do my thing (the one that doesn't involve me pleading "No Contest" and opting for the community service) and she asks "How many bad guys did you catch today?" Then it was "Do people recognize you on the streets 'cause you're famous?" At that point, she noticed my writing tablet and asked "Are you writing a play?"

"No, I'm writing a comic strip" and I'm getting a little curt although I'm trying so hard to hide it behind a sheepish smile and downcast eyes. "Is it a comic about Superman?"

"No, it's not." Now I'm having to hide my eyes from her because I know she'd see the Lou Ferrigno dying to come out and dropkick her.

"You need to write a comic about Superman. I say you do" and then she goes back to waiting on other customers and leaving me so pissed off that I know I won't be able to get any writing done. I stew and I stew for about ten minutes until I have convinced myself that there is no way I can do any work at the coffee shop and, unwisely, I get up to get a quick refill before leaving.

"You know who that is? It's Superman!" she exclaims to a really cute couple who happen to be in front of me. Then she gets them to wave at me and she yammers on for another minute or two about the fact that my name is Christopher Reeves before I get my coffee refilled and get the fuck out of there. Oh, and she wrote "Super Man!" on my coffee cup.

I'd like to say that "words fail me" but I think the above paragraphs kinda contradict that notion.

[Mike Boom]

...but is she hot?

[Otis Westinghouse]

I was wondering that, but was too mature to ask.

[verbal gymnastics]

When you're not there she probably tells people "There's this guy who comes in the shop and says he's Superman but he says his name is Christopher Reeves but everyone worth their salt knows it's Christopher Reeve without an "s". Anyway I play along because he really enjoys it. The other day I wrote Super Man on his cup just to amuse him. He's kinda cute though".

[spooky girlfriend]

Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with your name at all, Vez. Maybe she's just been checking out your package and thinks that the term "Superman" aptly applies.

[Gillibeanz]

You gotta stop wearing those blue pantyhose with red boots , you are giving people the wrong ideas.........

[lostdog]

...... or alternatively, stop taking yourself quite so seriously, ask her politely if she could perhaps stop with the Superman thing now, and get on with your day.

Not a big deal, surely?

[verbal gymnastics]

Yeh Vezzy baby. Stop taking yourself so seriously. And get your hair cut.

[ice nine]

I hope you use your superpowers for good and not for evil.

[double dutchess]

El Vez, I cried inside when I read this post. It's very awkward and embarasing when someone singles you out like that. Have you found a new place to hang out?

[verbal gymnastics]

Have you found a new place to hang out?

Only from the front of his pants

Have you been back since last week? I need an update.

[Mechanical Grace]

It's very awkward and embarasing when someone singles you out like that.

I dunno. Frankly if your biggest people-problem is a barista of the opposite sex being overly nice to you, I'd say you're getting the better end of the stick.

Great to have you back, DD! (Oh dear, that sounds like I'm calling you Dunkin' Donuts... very Massachusetts, that!)