Why?

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Misha
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Why?

Post by Misha »

I just got a new hospice patient. 9 years old. Dying of brain stem cancer. Fighting parents, poor....


Why?


This is going to hurt....I'll be glad I did it, but the drive home each time will just be a bit watery....

Sorry to be such a downer, but I like you guys, and I'm hoping that somehow you all can figure this out for me so that I can put it in a nice box that seems more sensical than the one it's not in now.... :cry:
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lapinsjolis
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Post by lapinsjolis »

There's no box for something so tragic.
There are things in the world that just don't make sense to us. Is there a meaning above our understanding? I think so. Suffering seems pointless yet good comes from it. It causes someone like you to reach out and be a positive force in the world. His life, however short is not in vain because it touched you and made you look at yourself and others. I'm sure his life has gone beyond that and effected the world around him in untold ways. Sorrow and helplessness can breed anger and that is probably what his parents are working through, as far as poverty that is a need we are meant to meet as well. Yet I don't think any amount of wealth could soothe the loss of a child.

The challenge for us is not the 'Why?" as much as 'What can I do?' You are answering that question with action. No box for the tragic but don't forget the good things too.
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
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Misha
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Post by Misha »

Lapins,

Thank you.....I'm glad I do what I do, it's just sometimes it's harder than others.....It does however, remind me that most shit in life isn't important, just to let most of it go......

Kids, people, friends, family, love----that's all there really is.....

This, tragically, is why I keep doing it.....lots of pain, but plenty of growth....and amazing moments in people's lives that you never would have expected, and so beautiful they hurt.....

Everyone, if you don't volunteer doing something already....why not start now? One hour a week....two? If I can do it, you can too.....

Thanks for the leg up Lapins, needed it....may need it again after I meet the kid....

:D
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BlueChair
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Post by BlueChair »

I agree with lapins...

The only thing you can do is keep the person suffering as comfortable and happy as possible.
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Misha
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Post by Misha »

Blue,

Thanks! Agreed....that's what hospice is all about..

I truly didn't mean to be a downer, I'm just processing, and this is the first time I have had the ECFans board at my disposal while workin through it!!

Thanks you guys!! :D
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Poppet
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Post by Poppet »

sweetie, you're fine. if it's too much of a downer, folks don't have to read it.

everyone needs to discuss stuff. it's cool that we're a place you feel comfy and want to tell us this stuff.

i feel honored. :)

and no, i still haven't visited the old folk's place. it's too damned cold to do anything here right now! that's my excuse.
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Misha
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Post by Misha »

Met the kid and family. Thankfully he doesn't have long.....

I don't know which is more cruel.....cancer or steroids.

He was a happy healthy kid six months ago and has crashed and burned since.

At least they have a really clean kitchen now.......

:wink: :D
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ice nine
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Post by ice nine »

Life can be cruel and unfair.

If not for death what would poets emote about?
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think that you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt
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Post by taz »

Misha,

My dad had cancer and Hospice ended up coming to our house for about the last 72 hours (once it was time it was pretty much time) and I gotta say the lady who came and helped us (us more than him as he was pretty much out of it by then) really made a great difference to me, my mom, my brother and my sister. I just want you to know that though I'm sure it's terribly difficult you do make a huge difference in these peoples lives.

Thank you,
Taz/Jason
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a fuckin' cross? It's kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
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Misha
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Post by Misha »

taz wrote:Misha,

My dad had cancer and Hospice ended up coming to our house for about the last 72 hours (once it was time it was pretty much time) and I gotta say the lady who came and helped us (us more than him as he was pretty much out of it by then) really made a great difference to me, my mom, my brother and my sister. I just want you to know that though I'm sure it's terribly difficult you do make a huge difference in these peoples lives.

Thank you,
Taz/Jason
Taz,

Thanks. I usually end up helping the caregivers more than the patient. As you know, it depends on what stage they are going through on how helpful you can be. I'm glad you had your dad at home. I really think this is the way it should be if at all possible. It is hard, really really hard on the families, but it is better for the one leaving. I'm happy to do what I do, it's just some times it's harder than others.

Thanks again, Taz!!!
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Misha
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Post by Misha »

To those keeping up on these things, the kid died on Tuesday morning with his mom at his side....that's the way it should be!

Thanks for being there for me guys....I needed it...

:D
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sulkygirl
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Post by sulkygirl »

Sorry so late w/ my sympathies, Misha...

Just saw the movie "North Fork" last night, quite eclectic, but I thought it dealt with death in an interesting way (hubby had NO idea what it was about when he rented it, thought it was some type of western/drama). Interesting cast (James Woods, Nick Nolte and --- Daryl Hannah as a hermaphrodite???)

Anyway, you might try renting it, I found it comforting (in some odd way)...

NOTE: Bobster may have more information on this (deepest, darkest Hollywood, and all that...)
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spooky girlfriend
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Post by spooky girlfriend »

I'm sorry, Misha, and yet in a way, I know it's better that he didn't last any longer. When DrS's dad died a couple of years ago, he died on the day he was supposed to be coming home and hospice would have come in then. He went downhill so fast that he really only lived about a week of his life as a dying human, even though his body was cancer filled already. He kept going and contributing to society until the very end. What a man.

Thanks for what you did to contribute to the family, Misha.
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bobster
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Post by bobster »

I'm sorry to hear this too -- but again, it's not clear that "sorry" is the right word at the right time. I guess it's just that I'm sorry that this kind of thing ever has to happen to anyone.

It used to happen a lot more often. One reason that families were bigger in past times that it was expected that one or two children might die. And how many of us would be here today if we were born 100 years ago? Not me. (I was a difficult birth -- even in a then-up-to-date hospital, I wasn't expected to live.)

Still, these aren't exactly comforting thoughts, just the opposite.

The comfort comes in what good people like Misha can do to bring some sweetness and meaning to the lives of people dealing with true heartbreak.

****

Re: "Northfork" -- haven't seen it, got some raves (Ebert loved it), and some kind of okay or slightly bewildered reviews. It's from the Polish Brothers, best known for their debut "Twin Falls Idaho", which they also starred in as conjoined twins. Didn't see that one either, yet. They were also featured in a cool cameo in "The Good Thief", btw. I did see that.
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Misha
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Post by Misha »

Ya'll are makin' me feel downright saintly and we all know that isn't true!!

Thank you for the support, and don't take anyone or anything for granted ...... it can all change quicker than you think....

:) Misha
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